Beginning of a new life

Dear Readers,

Rarely ever do I write personal notes. It is with great difficulty that I need to disclose to you that on 16 September I will be leaving my community. I am not solemnly professed so no dispensation is required from the Holy Father. I'm simply a "white veil" sister. I have been dealing with a series of medical problems for a couple of months, and it was recently discovered that I have a very serious medical condition. My community is very small and elderly. They simply cannot afford to charitably take care of me, the way it was done with St Teresa of the Andes, Bl Elisabeth of the Trinity and St Thérèse. (Their communities were at least three times the size of mine; and I'm no saint, either!) So I will be going to my parents' home. They are waiting for me to arrive to try to get an extension on insurance, medical treatment, etc. In case you're wondering, I cannot come back. My understanding is that only the Rule of St Benedict allows that, and I'm a hard core carmelite. Plus, my condition makes me an expensive liability even though I'm still young. But I am in peace. When things are from God, one experiments peace in the midst of turmoil and sorrow.

The blog will continue indefinitely, though. Since I normally schedule the posts a couple of weeks in advance, you shouldn't notice a difference, Lord willing, even when I'm not feeling well. There just may be a delay in responding to comments, just like here in the monastery. Because I had not taken a solemn vow of poverty yet, I am allowed to take all my books with me. Thus, the blog will not "suffer" and you will continue to read reading excerpts, particularly from often-times hard-to-get or out-of-print books.

I will no longer be a discalced carmelite nun, though I still "feel" and would like to remain so; but this is not possible. I go back to being a "lay carmel lover" or "a lay person with a carmelite heart." I do not wish to deceive anyone into thinking that the blog is kept by a religious past the 16th. I will change my profile description, but, unless I get many comments to the contrary, I may keep the pseudonym ocdsister. This is something I need to think about. I'm still the same person; I'll just be wearing different clothes and be in a different place. The purpose of the blog remains the same: to provide spiritual reading excerpts, mostly from Carmelite sources, to, hopefully, help others come closer to God. I do not wish my health to be a distraction in the blog, so, please, with the exception of this particular post, keep your comments to the usual topics: spirituality, life of prayer, etc. I wish this blog to remain a place for "spiritual food".

I know this is difficult for some people to understand, how can a religious community get rid of someone just because they're ill. It boils down to this: the Church allows it if solemn vows haven't been professed yet, and the community considers it the best course of action based on their resources (financial and in number of solemnly professed members), the person in question, and condition involved (contagious, chronic, crippling), etc. As the faithful Catholic I try to be, I must obey the Church in all its teachings, doctrines, and regulations, whether I understand them or not. I entreat you not to criticize my community or make negative judgments on the blog. God has an active and a permissive will. In this case, He has allowed this to happen, even though I would have preferred a different outcome, so I need to try and graciously accept it.

Please pray for me during this very difficult period of transition. This truly is an invitation from God for me to practice complete abandonment to Divine Providence in a spirit of trustful surrender. If He's allowing this to happen, it's because He has a better plan for me in mind, and this is for my own good in spite of appearances.

"Followers", whether public or anonymous: thank you for choosing this blog out of the millions of choices available. Those sending me prayer requests, I will be happy to pray for your intentions. If you wish me to forward your request to a religious community of discalced nuns so they pray for you, just mention it. I have many friends that are solemnly professed nuns in several countries, and they will be happy to take your intentions to Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament.

I thank you in advanced for your prayers.