
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Feast of Our Lady of Sorrows

Monday, September 14, 2009
Feast of the Exaltation of the Cross
Our holy Order has us begin our fast with the Exaltation of the Holy Cross. And it leads us to the foot of the cross to renew our holy vows. The Crucified One looks down on us and asks us whether we are still willing to honor what we promised in an hour of grace. And he certainly has reason to ask. More than ever the cross is a sign of contradiction. The followers of the Antichrist show it far more dishonor than did the Persians who stole it. They desecrate the images of the Cross, and they make every effort to tear the cross out of the hearts of Christians. All too often they have succeeded even with those who, like us, once vowed to bear Christ's cross after him. Therefore, the Savior today looks at us, solemnly probing us, and asks each one of us: Will you remain faithful to the Crucified? Consider carefully! The world is in flames, the battle between Christ and the Antichrist has broken into the open. If you decide for Christ, it could cost you your life. Carefully consider what you promise. Taking and renewing vows is a dreadfully serious business. You make a promise to the Lord of heaven and earth. If you are not deadly serious about your will to fulfill it, you fall into the hands of the living God.
Before you hangs the Savior on the cross, because he became obedient unto death on the cross. He came into the world not to do his will, but his Father's will. If you intend to be the bride of the Crucified, you too must completely renounce your own will and no longer have any desire except to fulfill God's will. He speaks to you in the holy rule and the constitutions of the Order. He speaks to you through the mouth of your superiors. He speaks to you by the gentle breath of the Holy Spirit in the depths of your heart. To remain true to your vow of obedience, you must listen to this voice day and night and follow its orders. However, this means daily and hourly crucifying your self-will and self-love.
The Savior hangs naked and destitute before you on the cross because he has chosen poverty. Those who want to follow him must renounce all earthly goods. It is not enough that you once left everything out there and came to the monastery. You must be serious about it now as well. Gratefully receive what God's providence sends you. Joyfully do without what he may let you to do without. Do not be concerned with your own body, with its trivial necessities and inclinations, but leave concern to those who are entrusted with it. Do not be concerned about the coming day and the coming meal.
The Savior hangs before you with a pierced heart. He has spilled his heart's blood to win your heart. If you want to follow him in holy purity, your heart must be free of every earthly desire. Jesus, the Crucified, is to be the only object of your longings, your wishes, your thoughts.
Are you now alarmed by the immensity of what the holy vows require of you? You need not be alarmed. What you have promised is indeed beyond your own weak, human power. But it is not beyond the power of the Almighty this power will become yours if you entrust yourself to him, if he accepts your pledge of troth. He does so on the day of your holy profession and will do it anew today. It is the loving heart of your Savior that invites you to follow. It demands your obedience because the human will is blind and weak. It cannot find the way until it surrenders itself entirely to the divine will. He demands poverty because hands must be empty of earth's goods to receive the goods of heaven. He demands chastity because only the heart detached from all earthly love is free for the love of God. The arms of the Crucified are spread out to draw you to his heart. He wants your life in order to give you his.
Ave Crux, Spes unica!
The world is in flames. The conflagration can also reach our house. But high above all flames towers the cross. They cannot consume it. It is the path from earth to heaven. It will lift one who embraces it in faith, love, and hope into the bosom of the Trinity.
The world is in flames. Are you impelled to put them out? Look at the cross. From the open heart gushes the blood of the Savior. This extinguishes the flames of hell. Make your heart free by the faithful fulfillment of your vows; then the flood of divine love will be poured into your heart until it overflows and becomes fruitful to all the ends of the earth. Do you hear the groans of the wounded on the battlefields in the west and the east? You are not a physician and not a nurse and cannot bind up the wounds. You are enclosed in a cell and cannot get to them. Do you hear the anguish of the dying? You would like to be a priest and comfort them. Does the lament of the widows and orphans distress you? You would like to be an angel of mercy and help them. Look at the Crucified. If you are nuptially bound to him by the faithful observance of your holy vows, your being is precious blood. Bound to him, you are omnipresent as he is. You cannot help here or there like the physician, the nurse, the priest. You can be at all fronts, wherever there is grief, in the power of the cross. Your compassionate love takes you everywhere, this love from the divine heart. Its precious blood is poured everywhere soothing, healing, saving.
The eyes of the Crucified look down on you asking, probing. Will you make your covenant with the Crucified anew in all seriousness? What will you answer him? " Lord, where shall we go? You have the words of eternal life."
Ave Crux, Spes unica!
-- Collected Works of Edith Stein (ICS Publications) by St Teresa Benedicta of the Cross
Beginning of a new life
Rarely ever do I write personal notes. It is with great difficulty that I need to disclose to you that on 16 September I will be leaving my community. I am not solemnly professed so no dispensation is required from the Holy Father. I'm simply a "white veil" sister. I have been dealing with a series of medical problems for a couple of months, and it was recently discovered that I have a very serious medical condition. My community is very small and elderly. They simply cannot afford to charitably take care of me, the way it was done with St Teresa of the Andes, Bl Elisabeth of the Trinity and St Thérèse. (Their communities were at least three times the size of mine; and I'm no saint, either!) So I will be going to my parents' home. They are waiting for me to arrive to try to get an extension on insurance, medical treatment, etc. In case you're wondering, I cannot come back. My understanding is that only the Rule of St Benedict allows that, and I'm a hard core carmelite. Plus, my condition makes me an expensive liability even though I'm still young. But I am in peace. When things are from God, one experiments peace in the midst of turmoil and sorrow.
The blog will continue indefinitely, though. Since I normally schedule the posts a couple of weeks in advance, you shouldn't notice a difference, Lord willing, even when I'm not feeling well. There just may be a delay in responding to comments, just like here in the monastery. Because I had not taken a solemn vow of poverty yet, I am allowed to take all my books with me. Thus, the blog will not "suffer" and you will continue to read reading excerpts, particularly from often-times hard-to-get or out-of-print books.
I will no longer be a discalced carmelite nun, though I still "feel" and would like to remain so; but this is not possible. I go back to being a "lay carmel lover" or "a lay person with a carmelite heart." I do not wish to deceive anyone into thinking that the blog is kept by a religious past the 16th. I will change my profile description, but, unless I get many comments to the contrary, I may keep the pseudonym ocdsister. This is something I need to think about. I'm still the same person; I'll just be wearing different clothes and be in a different place. The purpose of the blog remains the same: to provide spiritual reading excerpts, mostly from Carmelite sources, to, hopefully, help others come closer to God. I do not wish my health to be a distraction in the blog, so, please, with the exception of this particular post, keep your comments to the usual topics: spirituality, life of prayer, etc. I wish this blog to remain a place for "spiritual food".
I know this is difficult for some people to understand, how can a religious community get rid of someone just because they're ill. It boils down to this: the Church allows it if solemn vows haven't been professed yet, and the community considers it the best course of action based on their resources (financial and in number of solemnly professed members), the person in question, and condition involved (contagious, chronic, crippling), etc. As the faithful Catholic I try to be, I must obey the Church in all its teachings, doctrines, and regulations, whether I understand them or not. I entreat you not to criticize my community or make negative judgments on the blog. God has an active and a permissive will. In this case, He has allowed this to happen, even though I would have preferred a different outcome, so I need to try and graciously accept it.
Please pray for me during this very difficult period of transition. This truly is an invitation from God for me to practice complete abandonment to Divine Providence in a spirit of trustful surrender. If He's allowing this to happen, it's because He has a better plan for me in mind, and this is for my own good in spite of appearances.
"Followers", whether public or anonymous: thank you for choosing this blog out of the millions of choices available. Those sending me prayer requests, I will be happy to pray for your intentions. If you wish me to forward your request to a religious community of discalced nuns so they pray for you, just mention it. I have many friends that are solemnly professed nuns in several countries, and they will be happy to take your intentions to Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament.
I thank you in advanced for your prayers.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Transform me so that through me all may know Christ

"As the consecration of the Mass draws near our Lord is equivalently saying to us: "You, Mary; you, John; you, Peter; and you, Andrew-you, all of you-give Me your body; give Me your blood. Give Me your whole self! I can suffer no more. I have passed through My cross, I have filled up the sufferings of My physical body, but I have not filled up the sufferings wanting to My Mystical Body, in which you are. The Mass is the moment when each one of you may literally fulfill My injunction: 'Take up your cross and follow Me.'"
On the cross our Blessed Lord was looking forward to you, hoping that one day you would be giving yourself to Him at the moment of consecration. Today, in the Mass, that hope our Blessed Lord entertained for you is fulfilled. When you assist at the Mass He expects you now actually to give Him yourself.
Then as the moment of consecration arrives, the priest in obedience to the words of our Lord, "Do this for a commemoration of me," takes bread in his hands and says "This is my body"; and then over the chalice of wine says, "This is the chalice of my blood of the new and eternal testament." He does not consecrate the bread and wine together, but separately.
The separate consecration of the bread and wine is a symbolic representation of the separation of body and blood, and since the Crucifixion entailed that very mystery, Calvary is thus renewed on our altar. But Christ, as has been said, is not alone on our altar; we are with Him. Hence the words of consecration have a double sense; the primary signification of the words is: "This is the Body of Christ; this is the Blood of Christ;" but the secondary signification is "This is my body; this is my blood."
Such is the purpose of life! To redeem ourselves in union with Christ; to apply His merits to our souls by being like Him in all things, even to His death on the Cross. He passed through His consecration on the Cross that we might now pass through ours in the Mass. There is nothing more tragic in all the world than wasted pain. Think of how much suffering there is in hospitals, among the poor, and the bereaved. Think also of how much of that suffering goes to waste! How many of those lonesome, suffering, abandoned, crucified souls are saying with our Lord at the moment of consecration, "This is my body. Take it"? And yet that is what we all should be saying at that second: I give myself to God. Here is my body – take it. Here is my blood – take it. Here is my soul, my will, my energy, my strength, my property, my wealth – all that I have: it is yours – take it! Consecrate it! Offer it! Offer it with thyself to the Heavenly Father in other that He, looking down on this great sacrifice, may see only, His beloved Son, in whom He is well pleased. Transmute the poor bread of my life into thy divine life, swirl the wine of my wasted life into thy divine spirit; unite my broken heart with thy heart; change my cross into a crucifix.
Let no my abandonment and my sorrow and my bereavement go to waste. Gather up the fragments, and as the drop of water is absorbed by the wine at the offertory of the Mass, let my life be absorbed in thine; let my little cross be entwined with the great cross so that I may purchase the joys of everlasting happiness in union with thee.
Consecrate these trial of my life which would go unrewarded unless united with thee; transubstantiate me so that like bread which is now thy body, and wine which is now thy blood, I too my be wholly thine. I care not if the species remain, or that, like the bread and the wine I seem to all earthly eyes the same as before. My station in life, my routine duties, my work, my family — all these are but the species of my life which remain unchanged; but the substance of my life: my soul, my mind, my will, my heart – transubstantiate them, transform them wholly into thy service, so that through me all may know how sweet is the life of Christ."
-- Calvary and the Mass by Archbishop Fulton Sheen
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Feast of Bl Maria of Jesus
"Blessed Maria of Jesus was born on August 18th, 1560. (...) When Maria was only four, her father died, and the young mother, being desirous of re-marrying, brought the child to live and be educated in the home of her paternal grandparents at Molina de Aragón, at that time the capital of the Spanish commercial world.Memorial of the Most Holy Name of Mary
"'And the Virgin's name was Mary.' Let us say a few things about this name which, when interpreted, is called 'star of the sea,' and is admirably suitable to the Virgin Mother. She is, in fact, very appropriately compared to a star without any loss to itself shoots forth its ray, so the Virgin, too, without injury to her virginity gave birth to her Son. And as the ray from the star does not diminish its brilliance, neither did the Son lessen the integrity of His Mother.She is, then, that noble star sprung forth from Jacob, whose ray brightens the whole world, whose splendors both shine in heaven and penetrate into hell; spreading, likewise, over the earth and warming both minds and bodies, it fosters virtue, and purifies from vice. She, I say, is a glorious and most wonderful star, of necessity raised above this great and broad sea, glittering with her merit, and giving light by her example.O you, who realize that in the rushing tide of this world you are bobbing about amid storms and tempests rather than walking on land, turn not your eyes away from the light of this star if you do not wish to be lost in the storm. If the winds of temptations blow up, if you are running over mountains of tribulations, look up to this star; call on Mary! If you are being tossed about on the waves of pride, of ambition, of detraction, of envy, look up to this star; call on Mary! If wrath or avarice or the snare of the flesh shall strike against the ship of the mind, look up to Mary! If, when overwhelmed by the immensity of your crimes, when ashamed by the ugliness of your conscience, when frightened by horror for the Judgment, you begin to sink into the depths of sorrow, into the abyss of despair, think of Mary!In dangers, in trials, in matters of doubt, think of Mary; call on Mary! let her not depart from your mouth; let her not leave your heart, and, that you may gain the help of her prayer, do not forsake the example of her life. In following her, you will not stray; praying to her, you will not despair; when thinking of her, you will not be in error. If she holds you, you will not fall; in her protection, you will have no fear; with her as your leader, you will not faint in the way; through her kindness, you will arrive at port; and then you will realize yourself how deservedly it was declared: 'And the Virgin's name was Mary.'
-- From a sermon by St Bernard of Clairvaux
